The Horror Movie Decisions That Make Me Want to Scream

I love horror films. I love the suspense. I love the villains. I love the jump scares.

What I do not love is watching a perfectly normal character make a decision so unbelievably stupid that I have to pause the film and stare at the wall for a few minutes.

I understand that horror films need bad decisions to exist. Without them, half the films would be over in twenty minutes.

But some choices are so ridiculous that I genuinely begin rooting for the villain out of frustration.

Here are some horror movie decisions that make me want to scream.

“Let’s Split Up”

Ah yes.

The killer is loose. Several people are already dead. Nobody knows where the murderer is.

So naturally the best course of action is to separate into tiny groups and wander off alone.

Brilliant. Fantastic. No notes.

If a masked killer is chasing me, I’m becoming part of a human centipede of friendship.

Nobody is leaving my sight. We’re all staying together. If we die, we die as a team.

Investigating The Weird Noise

I have never once heard a strange noise in my house and thought,

“You know what? I’d better go towards it.”

Yet horror movie characters hear a blood-curdling scream from the basement and immediately grab a torch.

Why?

What is the best-case scenario here?

At no point in horror history has somebody opened a creepy basement door and discovered free money. Nothing good lives down there.

Close the door.

Moving Into Obviously Haunted Houses

A beautiful family arrives at a giant property that costs suspiciously little money.

Immediately the walls start bleeding. The furniture moves by itself. A child begins speaking to an invisible Victorian child named Emily.

And the parents still stay.

After the second supernatural incident I’m gone. I don’t care how nice the kitchen is.

Reading Ancient Cursed Books

This is entirely a self-inflicted problem.

Nobody forced you to read the book bound in human skin. Nobody forced you to say the Latin words out loud. Nobody forced you to continue reading after discovering several pages covered in warnings.

At some point, natural consequences have to be discussed.

Ignoring The Person Who Is Clearly Right

Every horror film contains one person who immediately identifies the problem.

Usually they say something like:

“Guys, I think this house might be haunted.”

And everybody else responds:

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Fast forward forty minutes and a demon is crawling across the ceiling.

Suddenly Mr Sceptical wants answers.

Interesting.

Going Outside To Investigate Alone At Night

Let’s set the scene.

It’s 2am. It’s raining. The power has gone out. Something is scratching at the window.

A normal person would lock the doors and hide.

A horror protagonist immediately grabs a torch and walks directly into the woods.

I don’t even like taking the bins out after dark.

There’s absolutely no chance I’m voluntarily entering a forest at midnight.

Stopping To Explain Everything Instead Of Running

This one drives me insane.

The villain is unconscious. The exit is right there. Freedom is seconds away.

And yet somebody always decides this is the perfect opportunity for a dramatic conversation.

No.

Run first.

Discuss your feelings later.

You can exchange emotional speeches from a safe location.

Not Finishing The Job

This is perhaps the most frustrating horror movie decision of all time.

The villain gets knocked down.

Everyone celebrates.

The heroes immediately turn their backs.

Nobody checks if they’re actually dead. Nobody secures them. Nobody does anything.

Then, shockingly, the villain stands back up.

Again.

If horror films have taught me anything, it’s that if the villain falls over, they’re not dead.

They’re just simply resting.